I don't know.

I feel as if I've been punched in the head. I feel like there's another man pretending to be my husband. I feel as if someone is playing a joke on me. After 4 months of trying to conceive, after my period came 2 weeks late last month, my husband comes to me and says, "I have to tell you something, but I'm afraid because I know it's going to make you very mad." Whoooooooosh... My breath escapes me. I stare at him and wait. He says, "I don't think I'm ready to have a baby." I don't think that I responded. I remember thinking that people have heard worse news, but at the same time I didn't take him seriously so it didn't seem so Earth-shattering. "He is just scared and nervous," I thought, "but we'll talk and he will get over it." It's been 3 days now, and we've talked, and we've fought, and I've cried, and still he says that he's not ready. I feel very confused and sad, but mostly I feel anger toward him for letting me invest so much feeling and desire into this, only to take it away. I don't know why he let it go so far. I don't know why he's not ready. I don't know where to go from here.